Itsumo
by Gein
Summary: What happens after Hijikata tells Yamanami to commit suicide? This is more like a Shinsengumi fic than an RK fic, so if ye don't know who Yamanami is...you might have a hard time understanding. Light shounen-ai, OkitaxYamanami. ^.^


Greetings ye merrymen!! *medieval music plays* Wheee! My second Shinsengumi yaoi ficcie!! ^_^ This only took like...two days, so don't expect it to be THAT great, kay? But I think these two make a nice couple, so...I wrote a fic. Yeah. It's so beautiful, I know, I know. I'm happy too. I'm so happy I'm crying. I'm faking, of course!! Wahahaha!! Okay, I had to make my intro that long...so read the ficcie! And REVIEW! ^_^ Thank ye.   
  
Itsumo  
  
The skies had darkened, as if mourning. Thunder rumbled and it was going to rain...a storm maybe. All the others had left, including he himself had left. Everyone was to forget what happened, and remember Yamanami as a thing of the past. But he couldn't.  
  
As soon as they had gone back to headquarters, Okita had quickly stolen out, ignoring the now softly falling rain. Back to the site he ran, trying to get out of the rain and into the forest...  
  
He ended up at the site, and even though the place was unfamiliar looking, he would know exactly where it had all happened. through the trees he could see Yamanami's body, lying still on the cold, wt ground. It was horrible; they didn't even gice him proper respects, burial, or anything.  
  
Horrible, terrible, and it was all his fault. All his.  
  
Okita reached the body, and kneeled beside Yamanami, taking his hand, shocked to feel it's warmth. Yamanami's lips formed a small smil, and his eyes opened, straining to see Okita. Okita's eyes watered, and he choked on his words. "Yamanami san...you're still alive."  
  
In Yamanami's blurred vision, he could see the tears in his friend's eyes, and tried to talk. All that came out was a faltering "I" as a lump in his throat formed. Okita threw himself, gritting his teeth, trying not to cry. "I'm sorry...this is all my fault, and now you're suffering, and you're going to...die, all because of me!" he cried, gripping Yamanami harder. The rain suddenly came out in torrents, drenching them.  
  
"No...it's my fault...you...did the right thing," Yamanami managed in a strangled whisper. Okita shook his head furiously. "No...I don't want you...to die...don't go...Yamanami san!" Okita sobbed, tears streaming down his face.  
  
Yamanami wanted to move, to embrace Okita and comfort him, but he couldn't. He couldn't move anything. "Don't...cry...please..." Yamanami whispered. Okita kept his head on Yamanami's chest, his eyes staying closed. "You don't deserve this. And I knew that, but for some reason...I just couldn't stop myself...and this is all my fault...I deserve to die..."  
  
Okita got up, picking up Yamanami's glasses from the ground, looking sadly at them. "They're broken...sorry," he said quietly, laying back down on Yamanami's chest and sighing brokenly.  
  
Yamanami hissed in pain as rain fell into his wounds. Okita whimpered and hugged him tighter, tears stinging his eyes. Yamanami used all his energy to move his hand to Okita's back, gently embracing him. "Please...don't cry for me...I'll be with you..." he said weakly.  
  
Okita's eyes widened and he took Yamanami's hand,holding desperately. "Stop! Don't say that! Don't leave, Yamanami san!" he screamed, sobbing into his hand. Yamanami smiled, suddenly shivering from the cold.  
  
Death was coming soo for Yamanami. "O-Okita...kun...no matter what happens...remember that I'm with you...just remember me, and...I'll be there for you..." he said, smiling faintly. "Don't talk like that! What'll I do...without you!?" he asked, sobbing. "Okita...carry on with your life...for me..."  
  
Okita gritted his teeth, turning away. "Yamanami san...Keisuke...please don't leave..." Okita whimpered, more tears falling. Yamanami smiled weakly, knowing his time was up. "I think I'm dying," he whispered, closing his eyes.   
  
Okita hesitantly moved his face closer, closing the gap between their faces. A slight brush of the lips, then it was gone. Yamanami smiled, but slowly his smile faded. "I'm sorry..." he trailed off, his handbecoming limp in Okita's. Okita's eyes widened and more tears formed. "A...aa...Kei...Keisuke...Keisuke...Keisuke...no!" he sobbed, his body shaking. "Keisuke! Keisuke! No! NO!" he screamed, grabbing Yamanami by his shoulders and shaking him.  
  
The rain slowed and Okita lay curled up beside Yamanami, seeming to be asleep. But his eyes opened and gazed at the skies that slowly were clearing up to reveal an amazing sunset. Okita got up, staring at Yamanami. He didn't know what to do with him. "Someone will come..." he said to himself, letting out a shaky sigh. He bowed to Yamanami, and turned, walking out of the forest and not turning back, for fear of a breakdown.  
  
He got out of the forest, staring at the quickly darkening sky. "Yamanami san...Keisuke...I'll still care for you...no matter what happens." he whispered. He reached into his jacket, pulling out a small box. Inside was a glass crane, which he had bought earlier in the week to give to Yamanami. Okita let out a strangled laugh, seeing how absurd it really was.  
  
"But now that you're gone..." he whispered, dropping the bird. The glass shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and an eerie silence fell about him. suddenly the wind howled, taking Okita by surprise. His hair whipped around his face, stinging. and suddenly it stopped.  
  
Okita looked up at the starry sky, more tears forming. "There's a part of you here with me," Okita smiled. "Everything clear and beautiful and pure, you left with me. And you'll be with me...wherever I go."  
  
His eyes were blurred with tears, and a painful lump had formed, but Okita didn't care. He could almost feel Yamanami's arms wrap around him, holding him close. A warm feeling arose inside him and he smiled.  
  
Finally, in a choked voice he whispered, "I love you...always." And he felt better.  
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Well, how was it?!? Did it make you cry?? =D I love making people cry when I write fics...it makes me feel so...so...*breaks out in song* Dai kirai datta sobakasu chotto! Anyway, thine instructors, orders: REVIEW. Okay?? It's easy, c'mon!! ^^ No one reviews these days, sheesh. And, just for fun (yeah, right) why don't you get on my profile and read some of my other stories?! And review?!?!? You don't know how happy that would make me!! *sniff* Anyway, kool kats, I mean ye merrymen, so long! *runs to a graveyard*   
  
  



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